Perhaps I should save this post for the afternoon when we feature fiction. But it couldn’t be fiction, could it? I mean, it was printed on the front page of a newspaper in South Carolina in 1867 – the front page means it’s news, and therefore truth, right? Right?
A Mormon Miracle.
Towards the close of a fine summer day, a farmer in one of the Western States found a respectable looking man at his gate, who requested permission to pass the night under his roof. The hospitable farmer readily complied. The stranger was invited into the house and a good and substantial supper placed before him. After he had eaten, the farmer, who appeared to be a jovial, warm-hearted, humorous, and withal shrewd old man, passed several hours in pleasant conversation with his guest, who seemed to be very ill at ease, both in body and in mind: yet as if desirous of pleasing his entertainer, replied courteously and agreeably to whatever was said to him. Finally, he pleaded fatigue and illness as an excuse for retiring to rest, and was conducted by the farmer to an upper chamber, where he went to bed.
About the middle of the night the farmer and his family were awakened by the most dreadful groans, which they soon ascertained proceeded from the chamber of the traveler. On going to investigate the matter they found that the stranger was dreadfully ill, suffering the most acute pain, and uttering the most doleful cries, apparently without any consciousness of what was occurring around him.
Everything that kindness and experience could suggest was done to relieve the sick man, but all efforts were in vain; and to the consternation of the farmer and his family, the guest expired in a few hours.
In the midst of all this trouble and anxiety, at an early hour in the morning, two travelers came to the gate and requested entertainment. The farmer told them that he would willingly offer them hospitality, but just now his house was in the greatest confusion, on account of the death of a stranger, the particulars of which he proceeded to relate to them. They appeared to be much surprised and grieved at the poor man’s calamity, and politely requested permission to see the corpse. This, of course, the farmer readily granted, and conducted them to the chamber in which lay the dead body.
They looked at it for a few minutes in silence, and then the elder of the two gravely told the farmer that they were elders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and were empowered by God to work miracles, even to the extent of raising the dead, and that they felt quite assured they could bring to life the dead man before them.
The farmer was, of course, considerably astonished at the quality and powers of the persons who addressed him, and rather incredulously asked if they were quite sure they could perform all they proposed to.
“Oh, certainly! not a doubt of it. The Lord has commissioned us expressly to work miracles, in order to prove the truth of the prophet Joseph Smith, and the inspiration of the books and doctrines revealed to him. Send for all your neighbors, that in the presence of a multitude we may bring the dead man to life, and that the Lord and His church may be glorified by all men.”
The farmer, after a little consideration, agreed to let the miracle-workers proceed and, as he desired, sent his children to his neighbors, who, attracted by the expectation of a miracle, flocked to the house in considerable numbers. The Mormonite elders commenced their task by kneeling and praying before the body with uplifted hands and eyes, and with most stentorian lungs.
Before they had proceeded far with their prayers, a sudden idea struck the farmer, who quietly quitted the house for a few minutes and then returned and waited patiently by the bedside for a few minutes until the prayer was finished and the elders were ready to perform the miracle. Before they began, he respectfully said to them that, with their permission, he wished to ask them a few questions about the subject of their miracle. They replied that they had no objection. The farmer then asked:
“You are certain you can bring this man to life again?”
“We are.”
“How do you know that you can?”
“We have just received a revelation from the Lord, informing us that we can.”
“Are you sure the revelation was from the Lord?”
“Yes, we cannot be mistaken about it.”
“Does your power to raise this man to life depend upon the particular nature of his disease, or could you bring any dead man to life?”
“It makes no difference to us, we could bring any corpse to life.”
“Well, if this man had been killed and one of his arms cut off, could you bring him to life and also restore to him his arm?”
“Certainly; there is no limit to the power given to us by the Lord. It would make no difference even if both his arms and legs were cut off.”
“Could you restore him if his head had been cut off?”
“Certainly we could.”
“Well,” said the farmer with a quiet smile upon his features, “I do not doubt the truth of what such holy men assert, but I am desirous that my neighbors here should be fully converted, by having the miracle performed in the completest manner possible; so, by your leave, if it makes no difference whatever, I will proceed to cut off the head of this corpse.”
Accordingly he produced a huge and well sharpened broadaxe from beneath his coat, which he swung about his head, and was apparently about to bring it down on the neck of the corpse; when, lo and behold! to the amazement of all present, the dead man started up in great agitation, and declared that he would not have his head cut off for any consideration whatever.
The company immediately seized the Mormons and soon made them confess that the pretended dead man was a Mormon elder, and that they had sent him to the farmer’s house with directions to die here at a particular hour, when they would drop in, as if by accident, and would perform a miracle that would astonish everybody. The farmer, after giving the impostors a severe chastisement, let them depart to practice their imposition in some other quarter.
“with directions to die” Didn’t anyone check for a pulse?
You know it’s true because it’s so specific. A farmer in a western state? That really narrows it down. You can tell the reporter did a thorough investigation.
I certainly hope it’s Fake News.
I was skeptical from the beginning when a stranger showed up, “requested permission to pass the night under his roof. The hospitable farmer readily complied.”.
When I see things like this in public places — and I do, much worse and very often — my first instinct is to imagine what a Mormon of that era would have thought. Would she have shrugged it off, saying that you couldn’t expect better from the ignorant masses? Would he have been angry at his people and their faith being made the butt of a joke?
A couple of elders in my mission could have done this. They did the “here’s a book from Heaven” and the companion on the roof drops it into his hand trick. And a few others.
I am sure the good people of South Carolina swallowed this tripe. Hook, line and sinker!
I believe a similar story was depicted in Trapped by the Mormons.
I thought Grant von Harrison had included this strategy in one of his missionary volumes.
On the other hand, when I read that two complete strangers “politely requested permission to see the corpse [and] This, of course, the farmer readily granted”, I thought, “Well, sure, because that’s exactly what you’d do when one stranger had already died a sudden and horrible death in your spare room, and you had a dead body on your hands. You’d just let anybody and everybody parade through your home to gawp at it.”
Alison, what the story delicately omits, but which every true American understands, is that the farmer charged the visitors 5 cents each to gawp at the corpse.