(A new-to-Keepa compilation of jokes from the old magazines)

Price: “Hasn’t she the X-Ray stare?”

Sheffield: “Yes, I feel undressed.”

-oooOooo-

“My wife don’t give a darn,” cried the husband with holes in his socks.

-oooOooo-

Isadore Rosenbaum went into business. Among his customers was a miserly old fellow named Cassidy, who wouldn’t settle. when his clerk told him about it, Rosenbaum said: “What kind of a letter did you write him?” The clerk told him, but Rosenbau insisted. “That is no kind of letter to write,” and sat down and wrote the following:

“Mr. Cassidy, who bought those goods of us? You. Who promised to pay in sixty days? You. Who’s a dirty loafer? Yours truly, Isadore Rosenbaum.”

-oooOooo-

Bell: “Why did Cora raise such a row with the tailor over her new skirt?”

Nell: “It did not come up to her expectations.”

-oooOooo-

“Don’t kid me anymore,” cried the father to the stork who had just left twins.

-oooOooo-

Our Uncle says: “Some men will to get rich, others get rich because of a will.”

-oooOooo-

Trapnester: “So you want a job, eh? Ever tell a lie?”

Boy; “No, but I’m willing to learn.”

-oooOooo-

Teacher had been talking to a photographer. After he left, she gave “honey” as a word to spell.

Boy: “What kind of honey do you mean?”

Teacher (Embarrassed): “Well, there’s only one way to spell it anyhow.”

-oooOooo-

Solicitor: Are you a member of the Kindness to Animals Club?”

Old Lady: “Yes, indeed.”

Solicitor: “Then I’m sure you will give a dollar to the Blind-pig Protection Fund.”

Old Lady: “I never refuse a worthy cause.”

-oooOooo-

Kin George’s new grandson is called a prince, except when he cries in the middle of the night.

-oooOooo-

Police Judge: “With what instrument or article did your wife inflict these wounds on your head and face?”

Michael Mooney: “Wid a motter, yer anner.”

Judge: “A what?”

Mooney: “A motter – wan o’ these frames wid a ‘God Bless Our Home’ in it.”

-oooOooo-

A parking place is where you leave the car to have the tail light knocked off.

-oooOooo-

Then there’s the absent-minded businessman who thought he was at the office and started dictating around home.

Furs, Etc.

“Well, summer is here,” she said.

“Yes,” he replied, unthinking, “now the girls can put on their heavy clothing.”

-oooOooo-

Young Mother: “Do you believe in Mothers’ Clubs, Granny?”

Granny: “Land sakes, no, nothing can eat a slipper or a good birch switch.”

Testing Him

“Let’s hear you make a noise.”

“Why,” asked the caller

“Oh,” said little Johnny, “Sis says you’re a green horn.”

-oooOooo-

Some people have looks that would frost a cake.

-oooOooo-

Bill: “Jim wastes a lot of time beefing.”

Phil: “Yes, if he were a steer he’d been soup meat long ago.”

-oooOooo-

With feminism rampant and modern spelling well under way, one prominent schoolman pertinently suggests that “pedagogy” would be more appropriately spelled “petticoatchy.”

-oooOooo-

After the wreck on the logging railroad the superintendent asked the badly injured fireman, “Are you married”

He replied sadly, “No suh, Boss, dis is the worstest fix ah was ever in.”

-oooOooo-

“Mary isn’t so extravagant.”

“Why so?”

“Her waist never amounts to much.”

-oooOooo-

Teacher: “Jennie, there is electricity in the apartment house where you live. Can you tell me how it gets there, or where it comes from?”

Jennie (about six): “The janitor unbuttons it from the wall.”

-oooOooo-

Query in a newspaper health column is, “Can a girl do anything about an unattractive knee?”

Not a thing but grin and bare it.

-oooOooo-

She: “Time separates the best of friends.”

He: “Yes, fifteen eyars ago we were both 18; now you are 24 and I am 33.”

-oooOooo-

Kitty, five years old, brought up in the city, was spending a few days with her grandmother on the farm.

Kitty: “What are those funny little green things, grandma?”

Grandma: “Those are peas.”

Kitty: “Peas, nothing! I’m s’prised at your ignor’nce, grandma.”

Grandma: “Why child, what do you mean?”

Kitty: “I think a woman old as you are should know that peas come in tin cans.”