I like to give papers at conferences, and do other forms of public speaking. Speaking before crowds holds no terrors for me.

There is a form of terror involved in public speaking, however, and that comes when the program organizer asks me for a short biography either to print in the program or to use when introducing me. For the speakers on the sorts of programs I weasel my way onto, these biographies usually include credentials and achievements much grander than anything I can offer, and I struggle to put anything together that doesn’t make me look like a home-sewn apron in the company of haute couture.

Brigham Young was asked for a biography in 1860, by the editor of Richard Griffin & Co., a London and Glasgow firm (some advertising calls them “Publishers to the University of Glasgow”), for their volume Cotemporary Biography: A Reference Book to the Peerage of Rank, Worth, and Intellect; containing the Lives of above One Thousand Eminent Living Personages, prepared with the utmost accuracy. ((The 19th century term really was “cotemporary” rather than “contemporary.)) To make things easier for Brigham, and in hopes of ensuring a reply, the editor drafted a proposed biography which he asked Brigham merely to review and correct, as necessary.

That draft biography does not appear to have been filed with the correspondence in Brigham Young’s office. I’d love to read it, especially after reading Brigham’s reaction to it:

Whoever wrote the “memoir” must have been very ignorant of the subject, or given but little heed to your “desire to give facts rather than offer opinions.” This is apparent from the writer’s using “Joe” instead of Joseph, and terming our faith “heresy”, and branding us with the epithet “heretics”, and asserting that I rule “despotically.”

Therefore, Brigham drafted his own biography, from scratch, telling the editor he was “at liberty to publish [it], with a perfect reliance upon the correctness of the facts and statements therein contained.” Brigham said he had taken pains to keep this newly drafted biography at the same length as the offensive one drafted for him. If the editor didn’t want to print this “very brief, though strictly accurate biographical sketch,” then Brigham requested him “not to print any thing concerning me.”

Brigham also assured the editor that the final paragraph of the proposed sketch, the paragraph dealing with Brigham’s character, had been written as “the judgment of others who are intimately acquainted with my conduct and character, as I never contemplate my own character, skill, or ability, a constant press of important business preventing my doing so.” That claim might be dismissed by readers as false modesty on the part of Brigham, but for this: The retained rough draft of the letter is in the same clerk’s handwriting throughout – but that final paragraph is written in pencil rather than the ink of the first part of the sketch, supporting the idea that it had at least been written at a later time, perhaps after consultation with those “others who are intimately acquainted with my conduct and character.”

And what did Brigham write to represent himself among the world’s men of “Rank, Worth, and Intellect”? This:

Brigham Young, Sen., President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, was born in Whittingham, Windham County, Vermont, U.S., June 1, 1801; lived with his father, who was a farmer, until he was sixteen years old, then learned a trade and followed mechanical business, until he was baptised into said Church on the 14th of April, 1832. He was ordained into the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, February 1835.

Upon the assassination of the Prophet and Patriarch Joseph and Hyrum Smith in Carthage jail, Illinois, June 27, 1844, and in accordance with previous appointment by the Prophet Joseph and ordination under his hands, Brigham Young, then President of the Twelve, succeeded to the Presidency of the Church.

Mobocracy, on account of differences in religious belief, increased in Illinois that in February, 1846, President Young left Nauvoo with a large company of Saints to seek a locality where they could worship Israel’s God in peace. A prompt compliance with a requisition by the Government of the United States for 500 ‘Mormons’ to serve in the war with Mexico, connected with other circumstances, caused the company to halt on the right bank of the Missouri River, at a point since called Florence, N.T., where they passed the winter of 1846-7.

In the spring of 1847 President Young, with a pioneer company of 143 men, left Winter Quarters (Florence) in quest of the desired locality, and arrived in Great Salt Lake valley on the 24th of the following July.

After selecting and having surveyed the site for Great Salt Lake City, and locating temporary forts for the safety of the companies following that season, he returned to Winter Quarters for his family with whom, and large additional numbers of Saints, he arrived in G.S.L. City in the Fall of 1848, where he has since resided.

President Brigham Young is endowed with great firmness and energy of character, is possessed of unswerving integrity and rectitude of conduct, and is blessed with a remarkable degree of sound, practical sense and good judgement, which, with his unusual kindliness and benevolence of disposition, admirably qualify him for the arduous and responsible position he occupies, giving him great administrative ability in the conduct of important affairs, and measurably accounting for the influence he enjoys with those who are striving for the true interests of the human family.

I wasn’t able to find the published volume online, but Keepa’ninny Alison did — seriously if you need family history research in Scotland, click on Alison’s signature in some comment; it will take you to her professional page. What she found was, well, something that did include much of what Brigham sent them, but also swept in ludicrous assertions that must have disgusted Brigham if and when he finally saw them. Compare (paragraph breaks added for ease of reading and comparison; it was printed in a single solid block):

YOUNG, Brigham, the present leader of the Mormons, or Latter-day Saints, was born in Whitingham, Windham county, in the state of Vermont (U.S.), on the 1st June, 1801. He lived with his father, who was a farmer at Whitingham, until he was sixteen. He then learned a mechanical trade, and on the 14th April 1832, joined the Mormons, or to use a phrase of these sectaries, “was baptized into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.” In 1835, thanks to his superior ability and education, he became a member of the Governing Council, or “Quorum of the Twelve Apostles.”

He suffered all the tribulations of the Mormons during their stay at Nauvoo, when Joseph Smith was put to death by the riotous inhabitants of Illinois. In June, 1844, Brigham Young, “in accordance with a previous appointment by the prophet, and ordination under his hands,” succeeded to the presidency of the Church.

Nauvoo had no sooner become a prosperous settlement, than the Mormons were forced to abandon it, in consequence of the strong popular feeling against their creed and morals in Illinois. In 1846 the President set out from this settlement with a large company of his followers, in search of a locality where they would not be interfered with, either by the mob or the legislature. A prompt compliance, however, with a requisition by the Government of the Union to furnish 500 “Saints” to serve in the war with Mexico, connected with other circumstances, enabled the emigrants to halt on the right bank of the Missouri at a point since called Florence, where they passed the winter of 1846-47, under tents, or on transport waggons, exposed to the ravages of disease and the depredations of the wild Indian tribes of the country.

In the spring of 1847, President Young, with a pioneer company of 143 men, left the winter quarters at Florence in quest of the promised land; and crossing the Rocky Mountains, arrived at the Great Salt Lake Valley, between California and Oregon, on the 24th July in the same year.

After surveying the site for a city afterwards built and named the Great Salt Lake City, and erecting temporary forts for the reception of companies who were to emigrate that season, the President returned to winter quarters at Florence. With his family, and large additional numbers of the Saints, he returned to the new city in the autumn of 1848.

The city rapidly grew in importance. In 1850 it contained 8,000 inhabitants. The colony was shortly afterwards recognized as a territory by the Federal Government, Brigham Young being appointed Governor, with a salary fixed for him Washington. In 1856, when the population of Utah had increased to 30,000, which, under ordinary circumstances, would have entitled it to be received as a state of the Union, President Pierce refused to acknowledge its claims to admission, on account of the recognition of polygamy, and its prevalence among the Saints. Brigham Young protested against interference, and defied the Government authorities to prove to him by the Bible, that a man is not entitled to take as many wives as he thinks proper. By the laws of the community, six wives are allowed to each Saint, the President only being permitted an unlimited number, a privilege of which he has taken ample advantage, he having some years ago taken unto himself no less than seventy ladies from his flock.

According to his disciples, Brigham Young is endowed with great firmness and energy of character, wit, sound practical sense, and good judgment, which, with his natural kindliness and benevolence, admirably fit him to control and influence his followers, and to maintain peace among them.

At least no program committee has ever done that to me with a submitted biography.