(A course for the young women of the Church, 1908-09.)

Ethical Studies: Consideration

(for May 11th, 1909)

Definition. According to Webster “consideration” is “thoughtful and kindly feeling or treatment” when used in this .sense it is so closely allied to “courtesy” and “politeness” as to he almost synonymous. Someone has said “Politeness is to do and say the kindest thing in the kindest way.” The Great Teacher gave to his disciples a simple rule to govern their treatment of one another, which is a most beautiful statement of consideration for others. He said. “All things whatsoever ye would that men should do unto you, do ye even so to them.” If this standard were maintained among our girls there would he no need for this lesson to he given in our association, hut too many of us are governed more hy the rule of genial David Harum when he made his great horse trade : — “Do unto others as others would do unto you, only do it fust.”

Consideration for others means forgetfulness of self, the giving of self in thoughtful, kindly service to others. No trait in human nature is more beautiful. The unselfish girl, the one who always thinks and does for the comfort and pleasure of others is the one who is most beloved by all who know her.

Love is the foundation stone of consideration, that great love that Christ possessed : a love for all humanity and a desire to do something for them. Not alone in kindly acts can we show consideration, but in words and also in looks. The eye can be as sharp as a dagger, and words can “soothe or wound a heart that’s broken.”

Consideration, like all other virtues should be cultivated in youth.

In the Home. A wise mother will begin this instruction when her little one first takes an interest in its playthings and in the companionship of others. If we have reached girlhood without learning this beautiful lesson, we are old enough to do our own acquiring. Let us begin at once, in our own little world, the home, where so many opportunities are offered every day. Father, who works so hard to give us the necessities of life, and many of its luxuries, is coming home; he will be tired. If his slippers are warmed, his own arm-chair drawn near the fireplace, and the evening paper placed where he can lay his hand on it, he will settle down with a sigh of relief and comfort that will amply repay the thoughtful girl. And mother, our queen, she too gets weary with her many cares. Take baby away from her and amuse him for an hour, or quietly insist that she take a half hour sleep while you watch the baking bread and prepare the vegetables for dinner. Assume willingly and without being asked a little responsibility each day that will relieve her of some work and so have her free to pick up the book she has long desired to read, or to get out in the fresh air and sunshine. Instead of your being the one to have all the pleasure in parties, theatres, and other entertainments, plan to have mother take her share, so that you may keep her young in heart and interest, even when time has laid his impress on her in years.

Above all be considerate in giving Mother your love and confidence. Tell her you love her, be lavish with endearing words and tender caresses. Let her feel your comradeship by letting her know you want her to be interested in the things that interest you.

So many girls make the mistake of shutting Mother out of their inner lives, in thinking she can have no interest in their girlish secrets and ambitions. Every mother was a girl only a few short years ago, and she understands as no other can.

When brother Tom comes home in a rush to get ready for the other girl’s brother into the ideal boys we want them to be. Then there is sister Mary. She is the oldest and has always taken much responsibility. She does the cooking, the dishwashing; she irons your skirts and pretty dresses as you never could do. She even stays at home until all the younger ones are educated before she can find the time to attend school. The opportunity may come when she is twenty, rather late to begin the course you have finished at eighteen. Of necessity she must take the grades with girls much younger than herself, but that does not alter her determination to reach her goal. While you, dear younger sister, are enjoying the pleasures of girlhood free from care, she is struggling for that which should have been hers many years ago, but for her unselfish devotion to you. Is it considerate, is it right for you to accept so much from her, when you give so little in return? Perhaps you are the eldest in the family and because of that fact you feel that every one in the family should wait upon you. You order Ruth to bring your satchel, Louise to run up stairs for your shoes, and Charlie to build the fire in the parlor for you are going to have company. Not always are your requests accompanied by the little word “please,” nor a “thank you” when the task is done. When Charlie wants help with his lesson, and Ruth begs you to do her hair in. the pretty way you had yours done last night, you reply — “Oh, do it yourself, I haven’t time to bother with you.”

The children may do your bidding from force of habit, but they do not love you as they do the sister, who does not demand these numerous attentions from others, because she is too busy giving of her loving services.

Consideration of all members of the family is best shown by the control of temper, when every- thing has gone wrong, and the atmosphere is charged with an electrical thunder storm. Then it is that silence is golden.

In Public Places. The girl who has practiced consideration in the home until it has become a part of her nature, will never be found among the girls who sit on the back seat in Mutual, chew gum, and talk out loud while the teacher is trying to instruct them.

Nor would she be one who would retain a comfortable seat and allow the aged and feeble to stand. Should she see an old brother or sister hesitating at the top of the church steps because they were slippery and unsafe, she would be the first to offer her arm or strong young shoulder for them to lean upon until the ground was safely reached. Such a girl would stop with a word of reproof any unkind thoughtless remark about another’s misfortune. Something within her would tingle with rage at a cruel jest hurled at one mentally unbalanced, for she would long to cover such a one with the mantle of sweetest love and sympathy. Perhaps she is one of a crowd waiting for a car. When it finally comes she is not one of those, who in the mad desire to get the best seat. walks over little children and pushes aside the grown people. She quietly awaits her turn. Her indignation is aroused by the girl who spreads out her skirts, taking up the room of three, while people fill the aisle and cling to the straps above.

When our considerate girl goes to a party, because she has a score or more partners, she does not think she is the belle of the ball, and selfishly try to keep them from dancing with the other girls. No, she quietly glances around the room to see if there are any not so favored. Then to the finest boys and the best dancers she says — “Have you met my friend Hattie? she is a girl worth knowing. Let me present you to her before your program is filled, for I know the pleasure will be mutual.”

When Visiting. Your best girl friend has asked you to visit her in her home for a week. Here is a splendid chance to show that you are well-bred, polite, and considerate.

The best room in the house is put at your disposal. It should always be as tidy and well-kept when you leave it as when you entered it. You make your own bed, unless asked to leave it to the maid. On arriving you enquire the time for serving meals, and never under any consideration are you late. If you are going out and do not expect to return in time for dinner you inform your hostess of the fact, so that she will not allow a good diner to spoil, and the temper of her husband to be ruined while waiting for you.

You never linger at the gate or in the door step talking and laughing after members of the family are in bed and asleep, nor allow a gentleman caller to remain alone with you after ten o’clock in the evening. You are gracious to the older members of the family, and interested in the children. You assist in the little home duties, making as little trouble as possible. The secret of the next hearty invitation, which comes not alone from your friend, but from every member of the family, is that you succeeded in your effort to “fit in” simply and naturally.

For Those Who Serve Us. A young lady entered the work shop of a dry goods-store recently to have a suit she had purchased fitted. When the necessary changes had been made, the fitter asked when she wanted the garment. “When convenient,” answered the lady, “there is no particular hurry about it.” The young girl looked up at her with so keen a look of astonishment, that she asked the reason for it. In such a weary voice came the answer, “Oh, it is so different from what I am used to hearing. Most of the customers insist the suit must be done tomorrow without fail, and many of them are women I fit nearly every week. They seem to have no thought for those who sit up until after midnight, in order that they may flatter their vanity.”

Further kind questioning revealed that the girl was so worn out with over-work that she had almost lost her grip on life. Long hours in a close room, fitting and stitching, eternally fitting and stitching — no time for out-door exercise or recreation, for the poor tired-out body must rest so soon as home is reached in order that the same dull routine can be continued on the morrow.

Are we among the thoughtless inconsiderate ones who demand over-time and over-taxed nerves of our working sisters, so that we may have our gown to wear — not on the morrow, as often insisted, but whenever we care to put it on? How many of us would have shown the tender consideration of the lady in our story, who asked the discouraged girl to her home the following Sunday and there tried by change of scene, interesting conversation, and kind sympathy to lift her out of her world of drudgery on to a plane of hope and courage.

If you wish another example of lack of consideration, go into any millinery shop the day before Easter Sunday, and note the insistent lone of every customer that she really must have her hat tonight or she cannot go to church tomorrow. If the clerk is one possessed of a great stock of patience, she quietly says she cannot promise, but will do the very best she can, for she would not have her miss church if she had to sit up all night and perhaps break the Sabbath. Can we blame her if she thinks that some people go to church to worship at the shrine of vanity, rather than to give praise that Christ the Redeemer is risen from the grave?

Go into the department stores a week before Christmas, and wish any of the clerks a Merry Christmas, and see how many will say “Thank you, but it will be anything but merry for me for I shall be so dead tired, I can’t enjoy any- thing.”

Who is responsible for these thousands of weary girls, and that they serve from eight o’clock in the morning until midnight for days before that blessed Holy Day? We are, because we lack consideration. A little forethought, a little planning and we could convince the proprietors of our stores there is no need of keeping open later than eight o’clock. Many of the stores in large cities have adopted this plan convinced by the consideration and united efforts of their women patrons that it is possible for Christmas shopping to be done without sapping all the strength and vitality of those who serve them.

An old woman forced to earn her living by washing was employed in a family where there were a number of grown girls. One day while at the tub, she ran a pin which had been carelessly left in a shirtwaist, into her finger. Little was thought of it at the time. A few weeks passed by filled with intense pain, then the poor woman was taken to the hospital where the finger was amputated, and for weeks she lay fighting for life, as blood poison rushed madly through her veins. Those weeks were full of sorrow and unhappiness for that family of girls, for they were kindhearted and unselfish and did all in their power by kind attention to atone for their lack of care and thought. It was a bitter lesson, but one they will never forget. To this day not one of them ever consigns an article of clothing to the laundry bag without first going over it carefully in search of pins and needles.

The True Lady. Nothing stamps a woman as a true lady more than unselfishness and thoughtful consideration for others. A conversation recently overheard gave out this thought — that the quaint, gentle, refined lady of our grandmother’s day is fast disappearing, and in her place we have the self -centered, impulsive, go-ahead girl of today. The hurry, bustle, and get-there-first spirit of the age leaves no time for the dainty courtesies, the kindly consideration for others that the leisurely days of long ago afforded. So our children are growing up without these beautiful graces that so refine and polish the individual; and bring into the lives of others that which goes so far to increase love and happiness. Can this be true?

QUESTIONS.

1. What is meant by “consideration for others?”

2. Where is the saying of Christ found.

3. What is it sometimes called? Why?

4. Which standard do you prefer, Christ’s or David Harum’s? Why?

5. When should consideration first be cultivated?

6. How can consideration be shown for Father?

7. What is your way of being considerate of Mother?

8. Does it pay to be thoughtful of a boy? Why?

9. Does it humiliate one to render service?

10. What does Christ say on this subject? (Matt. 20: 29.)

11. How may a girl be inconsiderate in Mutual?

12. How could you help such a girl to overcome her fault?

13. How would a considerate girl treat the aged?

14. How could you tell a considerate from an inconsiderate girl in a street-car? At a party?

15. Name some ways you can be considerate when visiting in the home of another.

16. Why should we be considerate of those who serve us?

17. How can we better the condition of working girls?

18. Give an illustration where thoughtlessness has caused great loss.

19. In your opinion, what constitutes a true lady?

20. Is it true that the girl of today is not as ladylike as was the girl of fifty years ago?