(A course for the young women of the Church, 1908-09.)
Ethical Studies: Fame vs. Home
(For November 10th, 1908.)
An Aim in Life.Youth is a time made beautiful by rose-colored dreams of future achievements; it looks out upon life with the bright eyes of hope and feels that everything it may choose is within its grasp. From childhood to old age man delights in building air castles, which he believes, could they become realities, would mean supreme happiness.
To strive to know how to shape our lives, as far as such power is given us is the duty of all. To form a high ideal and try to reach it is an inspiration to constant effort.
Most young people decide what they will try to accomplish as their life’s work. Too often not enough thought is given this important question; some trifling incident may determine the choice, and the decision rests on no firmer basis than momentary caprice, or the hope that they possess talent of an extraordinary nature. Youth has not the experience or wisdom necessary to properly estimate its own powers. The excess of life and energy that makes everything seem possible is apt to deceive.
Wide Field of Choice. It is not many years ago since the range of choice offered to a girl in selecting her line of work was limited, compared to that before those of today. This wider field of choice calls for clearer discernment as to what is of vital importance. Often there is a temptation to choose non-essentials that seem to a girl to show greater skill, just as in cooking many girls prefer knowing how to make salads or cake rather than good bread.
Our talents, our surroundings, our early training, the books we read, the people we associate with, are all factors in influencing our choice.
Danger of Making Wrong Choice. Often young girls sing, play, or recite, and these gifts, that are a means of giving much pleasure to others and to themselves, create a false ambition to devote their lives to the development of those talents, with the end in view of becoming rich and famous. Those who should be their friends are often much to blame, both for putting wrong ideas into their heads and then encouraging them. They say, “Why, you should go abroad and study,” or “You are wasting your talent buried here in this little village,” or “Her parents ought to give that girl a chance to make something of her voice.”
This is a time of danger, for there is something alluring in the prospect of having the public at her feet. It is strange how few people there are to give a friendly warning; if they cannot give encouragement they keep silent. Now is the time for her to ask, “Is my talent great enough to be worthy the sacrifice required for its cultivation?” Neither she, loving parents, nor kind friends are prepared to give an unprejudiced answer; but from some disinterested person, who is the best authority obtainable on the subject, let her hear the truth, even if it be the death of all her hopes. It is much better to discover the mistake now than later, when she has taken up the work and found scores of others more gifted than she struggling for recognition. Then her pride in having to own failure will make the abandonment of her career so much harder.
Most girls know personally what it means to be “stage struck,” but if anyone seriously thinks of making the stage her profession, she should first consider the opinion of those who have succeeded as to her chances of success. Ethel Barrymore writes, “I firmly believe that out of the thousands of girls who desire to become actresses, not ten have any chance of success or happiness upon the stage.”
Count the Cost.One lesson all have to learn in life is to count the cost. Fame generally means long weary years of loneliness, of alternate hope and discouragement, of hard labor and patient waiting. Then there is the sacrifice of natural longings and hopes.
One mother who had a daughter preparing for a career was asked if her daughter did not care for any of the fine young men who seemed to admire her; and she answered that the girl knew that she mustn’t think of marriage, for that would mean the end of all her ambitions and that money and years of study had been practically wasted. It does not seem right to debar ourselves of the very thought of the most essential things in life, — love, home, and children.
Then consider the cost in dollars and cents. The sacrifice as far as the money goes generally falls on the parents. Many times homes are mortgaged, other members of the family denied an education, and often the comforts of life to satisfy the ambition of one. Such a price is too great to be considered. Sometimes money is borrowed from friends. No one can claim a lease on life that they should so mortgage their future. One young girl who spent years abroad studying on borrowed money returned home. She discovered, perhaps at first to her dismay, that all the longing for love and home she had considered banished from her scheme of life came rushing back. She felt that she would rather marry the man she loved than accept the career that seemed open to her. But she was in bondage. She owed a large sum that she in honor was pledged to pay before she was free.
Loyalty. The young people of the Latter-day Saints are talented, and the development of those talents is a positive duty, not a selfish privilege. Often credit enough is not given to the agencies that have brought to light, and aided in the growth and development of these talents. The organizations for the young people all have for their aim the development of these gifts, and in return we owe a duty to the Church — a duty to use our God-given powers for the advancement of His work, especially when a question arises, as to our own private wishes, and loyalty to the people to whom we belong.
Field of Home Broad. In a training for fame all the hopes and life work generally center about some one thing not absolutely essential; while preparation to be a true home maker means an all around development of the best in our natures. It means skill of hand, purity of heart, and unselfish love. The home offers a field for the exercise of every good gift. The cultivation of artistic ability will help in making our homes beautiful. The influence of music on all is often underestimated; a song is not wasted though there be no audience, there is a spirit of love and peace in many songs that drives anger and evil far away. To use a God-given gift simply as a means of satisfying personal ambition for fame or gain is far different from the cultivation of all Tour talents that we may be better prepared to be of real service to our fellows.
Show True Natures at Home. Many homes are not what they should be. Once in a contest for the best definition of “home” the following received the prize, “Home is the place where we are loved the best and act the worst.” It is sad that there is so much truth in the statement. Many have a certain manner for company and friends that they put on with their best clothes for show, but discard for their shabbiest clothes and shabbiest manners at home. It is at home we show our real natures, whether fine manners spring from genuine worth or whether they are used as a veneer, just as the workman uses a thin layer of the best wood to hide the inferior quality of the material of which the article is really made.
There was a home in one of our small towns that impressed everyone who visited it with its influence; not for its outward beauty, but for the spirit of love, of peace, and mutual helpfulness that seemed to pervade the very air. To see the grown daughters and sons look at their father and mother was a revelation of what joy the highest type of home life could bring. And the sons and daughters of that family have become known, for those with whom they have come in contact could not but feel the influence of the genuine worth that home had fostered.
Worthy Fame. The fame that has come to some as a recognition of noble work unselfishly performed, as shown in the lives of such women as Florence Nightingale, Elizabeth Fry and many others, cannot be considered in the same class with the fame attained through self-seeking ambition.
Doing Common Things Well. Many young girls have the idea that anyone can do housework, but to step into the Domestic Science Department of some of our schools would show them there is much to learn for one who would intelligently prepare herself to keep house. Girls should take a pride in doing home tasks well. One girl remarked, “See that dam, mother is proud of my darning; she says I do it as well as she can.” It is easy to understand why that girl has made such a happy home. Unless you can be proud of your cooking, your ironing, your sewing, you do not know what pleasure can come from the ability to do well the things considered common.
School Studies. In selecting the courses of studies in school, their bearing on this preparation for home life should be considered. Many take scientific and classical courses, when those in Domestic Science. Normal or Kindergarten would prove of much more practical value, and would give as wide a scope for the cultivation of the mind.
Plan for All of Life. Youth, in outlining its plan of life often gives no thought to the time when old age will demand consideration. That time seems so far away.
But the best plan must provide, not what will be of value for a few short years, which generally comprise the success of the seeker for fame; but for life as a whole from youth to old age. When the reaping time comes, no admiration of a fickle public, nor memories of past triumphs can take the place of loving children, nor bring the peace and comfort that comes to enrich and reward a life spent in the service of the home. The testimony of many women who have become famous is that after all there is much greater value lost than gained in heart hunger and lack of home ties. Every good woman is a natural lover of home and children, and to crowd such things from her plan of life is to rob it of its greatest happiness, and to realize, when it is too late, that with her own hand she exchanged her birthright for a mess of pottage.
QUESTIONS.
1. Why should one have a definite aim in life?
2. What is necessary in making a wise choice?
3. Why do young people often overestimate their talents?
4. What influences one in deciding on a line of work?
5. How do people often encourage others to choose unwisely?
6. Who is in a position to judge whether talents are worth the sacrifice required for cultivation?
7. What is meant by “stage struck?”
8. What does a popular actress say as to the chances of success on the stage?
9. Why is it necessary to carefully count the cost?
10. When is the cost too great to be considered?
11. Is a girl justified in mortgaging her future?
12. How may we be loyal to our own people in respect to the use of our talents?
13. Why is house work so looked down on?
14. What truth is there in the definition of home quoted in the text.
15. Is there a field for the exercise of our talents at home?
16. Why does doing things well bring greater pleasure?
17. When is fame desirable?
18. What courses in school have special bearing on the home? Why?
19. If fame comes is it always worth the sacrifice required to gain it?
In two successive paragraphs:
I found the argument of this study to be weak. It comes across as saying the cultivation of artistic talents is a waste of time and burdensome, but still it’s good that our awesome church programs have structures in place, and our talents are useful at home, and make sure you take Home Ec instead of “scientific and classical courses”.
For the record, the lauded Florence Nightingale rejected at least one long-term suitor because marriage would interfere with her nursing.
And then the lovely send off:
This represents some of the cultural weight I’ve been wrestling with this last couple of weeks.
It is time to make changes in my course of actions, as I am rapidly approaching empty nest. I could expand my professional career, taking on full-time work, in place of the part-time at-home work I had been doing in connection with time-consuming kidlets and callings. A perfect full-time job came across my inbox yesterday, and as I tried to decide whether to apply, the list looked like this: If I go this direction I cannot take on a role as a temple worker or retain my calling as temple office volunteer, I cannot drop things to travel and visit adult kids, I cannot spend as much time on genealogy as I like, I cannot apply to teach seminary or institute, or serve a mission in 3-5 years, and I cannot keep my current calling in scouts. I would be much less available to serve in the Church or in my Family.
But on the other hand, this career change would develop my professional skills, quadruple my current income, boost my retirement savings (too close to zero right now for the comfort of someone who is only 16 years from retirement age), and allow us help our children avoid college debt.
And I frankly have thought exactly that: would I be exchanging my birthright for a mess of pottage? And here I already have raised my kids (and there are no grandkids yet). Amazing how strong this message is.
I find it interesting that we say millennials are the vainest generation, that mothers coddle their little darlings and tell them they’re the most talented, the most special; it can’t have been quite so in 1908, could it? And yet this advice is given.
I, too, was struck by this statement: “Every good woman is a natural lover of home and children”. Reading this whole piece made me feel trapped by proxy for the women like me whose natural gifts don’t lie in keeping house or raising children but had little other option available to them.
Coffinberry, I know people that work full time and teach seminary or serve in scouts or work in the temple. We have temple workers in our ward that work full time and serve in the temple three hours away!
Good luck with your decision. I hope you apply for the job and at least see if you get the offer.
It’s natural to read this and respond as if it were being read over today’s pulpits to young women of the 21st century. Consider a few differences between today and life a century ago:
Pursuing fame, or even a mere living, most often did mean that young LDS girls did have to leave their farm or small town homes, which is where most of them lived, and either move to Salt Lake City or, in the case of the arts, someplace like New York City or Boston. Many, many of them did. And what did it mean?
If they moved to Salt Lake City, it often meant taking positions as household servants (the maid of all work, or the kitchen worker) in homes that were most often not LDS, and therefore, in the minds of the writers of this lesson, not up to the standards needed by LDS girls. They lived in the kinds of situations contemplated by the Relief Society when they opened the Home for Women and Girls in Salt Lake in 1911, the same era as this lesson. If the girls were students rather than employees, the Univesity Sunday School was intended for them in the same era.
When you went away from home for any reason, for any length of time, you were essentially no longer incorporated into the Church structure — your membership stayed at home while you were away — meaning that no ward (home) or visiting teachers looked you up, nobody knew if you were going to Church, you weren’t a member of a city ward with any responsibilities or benefits. If you went away to school in Chicago or New York or southern California, you almost certainly ceased going to Church — if there was a branch of the Church where you went, it was mostly an outpost organization, meant to assist the proselyting missionaries rather than to meet the spiritual needs of existing members.
From 1901-1916 (this lesson falls smack in the middle of that), one of Brigham Young’s daughters, living in New York City, wrote a weekly letter about the activities of every Mormon, or non-Mormon Utahn, she could locate in New York. It is astonishing to me how many young single women she mentions, in town to study music or dancing or the visual arts — almost none of whom succeeded to the point where you would recognize their names today — living in hotels or boarding houses, alone or with a sister, without religious activity or home training or anybody to look after their welfare. Maybe the girls wrote home every week, but their parents were certainly not available to them by telephone or quick travel when the girls needed help or counsel or correction.
It’s a very different situation today, where no matter where a young girl might go for training or employment, her family is available to her 24/7 by telephone or Skype; where if she lets the Church know she’s in town, she is almost certainly surrounded by Church structure.
None of this is spelled out in the lesson, but as the social/cultural/technological reality, it’s always there in the background whenever the subject is young women and their life choices.
Ardis, thank you for the additional context. My comment was meant to show that the thoughts in the lesson have carried down to the present, or at least to the formative period when I was a small child nearly a half-century ago. My father vetoed advancing me a grade in school because he wanted to maximize my interest and focus so that I would have a better opportunity to be a mother-in-Zion. The grade they proposed I skip? Kindergarten.
These issues were still very much at the forefront of minds in the 60s and 70s, and they affect my thinking today in the second decade of the twenty first century. So the issues don’t seem all that remote to me.
Yes, I understood your comment, Coffinberry — you also broadened the context of “home” to be the Church and community, not the space between your own walls, which is how I think the writers of the lesson intended it. (For what it’s worth, I think your father was wise. I’d have been better off in many ways, no doubt, in your shoes.)
Evan Stephens, the Tabernacle Choir director in this era, often encouraged musical people to contribute their talents at home — meaning Utah, or the stakes, not in the big Eastern cities where they could have played or sung for crowds but lost home associations. That was the choice he made himself.
I see your point…. Thank you.