From the Improvement Era, October 1954 –

Something to Be Sure Of

By Maryhale Woolsey

She had written, “Darling Craig” — and nothing more in a quarter-hour of staring at the blank paper. Restlessly Peggy turned off her desk lamp and stood up, turning towards her window. Crossing the room she paused a moment to see her reflection in the closet-door mirror: a slim girl in swirly skirt and white blouse, light-gold hair roughened by her furrowing fingers, hazel eyes darkened, and face taut with discontent. At the dormer she dropped into the cushioned seat and lifted her eyes to the rim of the mountain, a faint pinky line in sunset afterglow. The twilight was heavenly blue; stars were blinking in the sky, and below them rows of city lights twinkled against the mountainside’s dark bulk.

The lights of Windsor Heights! Peggy’s eyes sought the small triangle that marked Chapman Circle, where the handsome new house was, which she should have been living in now, except for a twist of fate! Another family lived there instead, knowing the joyful pride the Francises had been cheated out of— cheated by life!

How many hours she had sat here at this window, dreaming and planning! Her temple marriage, her wedding reception — standing proudly with Craig in the spacious living room.

But now the reception would have to be very quiet, very simple, here in this shabby old house. Peggy could imagine the words in the society columns; austere, careful words, with dignity, but telling nothing of the disappointments.

Craig— his letter lay on the desk, read and re-read till it was ragged and soiled from handling — hadn’t seemed to think it was important. “After our marriage in the temple, our wedding reception, my sweet, would be lovely if it had to be in a cellar. The important things are, that we love each other very much, and that we must help take care of your father so he’ll be with us for a long, long time. We’ll be wanting his advice on lots of problems the next twenty or fifty years. Tell him that, Peggy.”

She had told Dad, and his tired eyes had lightened. “What a boy!” he’d said, his hand affectionately on Peggy’s shoulder. “One thing’s sure, Peg — you’ll be all right, with Craig. He’s a whole lot of all right; you can be sure of that.”

She had kissed him and hurried away before her welling tears could spill over. She was inclined to doubt if you could ever be sure of anything! After what was happening to the Francis family —

Nobody could have been “surer” of anything than they’d been. They’d had a right to be sure — according to all the rules the books told about. Careful planning— years of working, managing, saving, waiting — realization at hand — and then all, everything — ruined! After all your efforts to achieve your heart’s desire — and life could just rise up and smack you down, any old minute!

That awful minute of Daddy’s heart attack. . . .

Right in the middle of breakfast. They’d been hilariously planning how to divide up the family car that evening.

But all at once Daddy had made a queer sound, a sort of broken word, and slumped in his chair— and everything had become confusion, hurrying, and fear. Anxious waiting for the doctor, tense hours at the hospital! Plans hastily changed — days of uncertainty!

He had come home again, but not whole and energetic as before. He must “take things easy — for as long as you want to live,” Dr. West had said significantly.

The new home, naturally, was the first relinquishment. There had been a very lucky sale, for cash — an amount that had seemed like a fortune, until after the “ways and means” session Mums called, the night before Dad was to come home.

Madge wasn’t there that evening; she had left the day before for San Francisco, with her father and mother, to go to operas and theaters and “do the town” in ways the Wyatts were accustomed to. Hal’s brown eyes were somber, his mouth unsmiling. Peggy wondered: was he so worried about Dad? — or was it — Madge? Peggy knew Mums had felt dubious when Hal fell in love with the gay, spoiled daughter of the wealthy Wyatts. How must he feel, now, having her go on this holiday which he could not have provided?

But when Mums got them started writing columns of figures on the pads of paper she had passed to them, Peggy forgot Hal’s problems and Madge’s, and started worrying about the Francis family in general. Mums was explaining their need to cut expenses every possible way and being careful not to complain because Daddy must not be worried or upset. “We can solve our problems if we determine to,” Mums said.

They sat stunned over the lists and figures. Food, gas, and electricity, telephone, repairs the house needed, clothes! Elaine’s dancing lessons, voice lessons, costumes! Ken’s college expenses starting in the fall — tuition, books, special fees! All at once the new tennis things Ken wanted, Elaine’s spring coat, car maintenance, Mums’ needed dental work — all became formidable to think about. Peggy’s salary, which heretofore she had been spending happily on herself and her trousseau, seemed both insignificant and huge. Huge, suddenly denied to her; insignificant, in proportion to the family’s habitual expenses. The picture was a frightening one.

Hal — could he help? His job in the airlines office paid well, but Madge had never known limitations, economizing.

Out of a deepening gloom, Hal spoke another blow: “And at a time like this, I get my service call. Not that we weren’t expecting it! Gosh — ”

There had been a heavy silence. Then Mums said, “Well, let’s all think about it and come up with ideas. One thing’s sure — what has to be done, this family can do!” A fierce pride shone in her eyes. “Daddy is worth keeping, you know.”

Chins came up making, as Ken remarked, “Such a circle of bulldog faces!” — setting them all to laughing. Shakily, it had to be admitted; and in Mums’ and Hal’s soft brown eyes there had been suspicious glints. Peggy blinked fast to keep her own tears in check, especially when she looked at Kennie, the baby brother, her pet. His college years— he’d be remembering the gala plenteousness of Hal’s, by comparison.

That had been the first night Peggy wept in the dark window seat, watching the distant lights and thinking about their symbolism: shining goals you strive for, only to learn at last that they will never be yours. Why plan anything, then?

I’ll put off getting married, she decided. I’ll have to. Kennie needs my help, and Elaine does, too; she mustn’t have to change her plans, after all her hard work! The “family star” must have her chance to shine, as Elaine is sure to —

There it was again: “Sure”— question mark! The only thing you can really be sure of, Peggy decided, is that there’s not a thing in the world you can be sure of!

What could Peggy and Craig be sure of? The year of Craig’s internship — with Peggy working in some strange city so she could be near him. Then, probably, the service . . . they always need doctors, the fine strong young doctors like Craig!

One year might be all they’d ever have. How could she give it up? But what kind of sister could walk out on a family like hers? How would Craig take it? There are so many attractive girls — girls who wouldn’t have to ask him to wait. Could she be sure even of Craig’s love and loyalty? After all, there were marriages all around, breaking up although they had been entered into with confidence and certainty. Didn’t those prove you could never be sure?

She announced her decision at breakfast the next morning, and met a storm of protest.

“No, you don’t — not sacrificing Craig’s hopes to our family difficulties!” Hal exclaimed. “That’s out. Not that you’re not a swell kid to offer it. Now turn on the lights in those amber orbs of yours, Peg,” he ordered, grinning at her over a big bowl of corn flakes.

“The thing for me,” Ken said stoutly, “is to get a job. Plenty of fellows get along without going to college.”

“Not when their sights are on a science profession,” Peggy reminded him. “You’d be like Uncle Thad — ”
feeling cheated and frustrated all your life. We’ll find a better way than that.” We hope! she added silently.

Mums said gently, “No one is to make any decisions hastily. That, I insist on. We’ll consider ideas together, and decide together.”

“Like a ball team — huh?” Ken’s head jerked up, tumbling a lock of red-brown hair over his forehead. He smacked it back determinedly. “Get it, kids? We’re a team — savvy?”

Craig’s letter came that day. The one Peggy had not answered, except for small evasive notes — the one which now was lying on her desk next to a blank sheet of paper.

Things were working out, of course.

Ken had an after-school job with an industrial chemicals firm; during the summer he’d work full time. “And after classes in the fall, again. I’m learning things, too — and I like it this way!” Elaine had started teaching beginning classes in tap and acrobatic dancing. “It’ll help out till something better comes along,” she’d said with a mysterious cheerfulness. An act? Peggy wondered.

Oh, the Francis family would get by all right — on Fourth Street, among the shabby old houses with their obvious remodelings and modernizations, their cramped lawns and overgrown trees and shrubs. But was it worth the struggle, when you couldn’t have what you really wanted?

Daddy didn’t know the new developments yet, beyond the selling of the new house. Maybe he had given up, ceased to care about what happened!

The blueness had deepened to rich sapphire. Peggy had dreamed away the twilight, watching those lights — so near-looking tonight, but so distant in fact that now she could imagine no bridging of the space between Fourth Street and Windsor Heights. She stood up suddenly and jerked the curtains across the window. I’m feeling sorry for myself, she thought. The others don’t seem to mind half as much as I do!

What of Mums? She needs relaxing! All at once Peggy was conscience-stricken. Mums had looked so tired at dinner. She needed an evening out — that Crosby musical; Bing was Mums’ favorite. Maybe Dad wouldn’t mind being alone the little time before Elaine and Ken would be home. Peggy looked into her purse. Yes, she’d do it. She turned on the dressing-table lamps, brushed up her curls, freshened her lipstick, slipped into a red wool dress with a slimming gold mesh cinch-belt, and went downstairs.

Mums was sewing, in her old rocking chair by the bridge lamp, whose small island of light centered on a heap of scarlet satin in her lap. Her hands moved swiftly, the needle flashed tiny bright gleams. Pretty, Mums was! Hair glinting goldenly, skin so clear, young-looking . . . especially in that old sapphire velvet robe. (It must be ages old — but Daddy likes it, so.) Peggy stood on the lowest step to admire her.

“Hello, dear.” Mums looked up and paused in her stitching. “Need something?”

“Just — you. Looking so pretty and sweet as you do now,” Peggy said, feeling a sudden rush of affection.

“Why — thank you, Peggy.” Mums dimpled, then with a demure smile she asked, “And now what can I do for you?”

They laughed together. Then Peggy said, “Let me take you to see Bing at the Richmond. You’ve stayed in so long, Mums.”

“I might — ” Mums began, and stopped, her eyes turning to the door beyond the stairs. Peggy turned, too, and saw Daddy standing there.

“Sit still, Jessie,” he said. “You look good, sitting there. I heard you laughing— it sounded so good I had to come out.” He eased himself onto the sofa. “How’s my girl Peg? And where is everyone else? House so still — in fact, it has been ever since I came home. Not natural, is it?”

“Pop needs to sleep; we kids all creep,” Peggy giggled.

“But do I have to have a muffler on your lives?” he demanded. Doesn’t Ken have his gang around, anymore? And Elaine’s crowd — ”

“It hasn’t hurt any of us,” Mums said, “to give you a little extra peace and quiet for awhile. Are you hungry, Russ? Can — ”

“Sit still — I like to look at you as you are. What’s that you’re making?”

“Dancing-skirt for Elaine.” Mums held it up.

“Pretty. Laney looks wonderful in red. Especially wonderful, I mean. Any color looks wonderful with our Laney in it, doesn’t it?”

Peggy sat down, smiling. No movie tonight.

“Gosh, I must have had a good sleep,” Daddy said. “I feel almost like doing some work, for a change. Any chores waiting around?”

“Plenty,” Mums said, “but they can wait a little longer. Would you like to — oh, play Chinese checkers, maybe? We haven’t, for ages. This — ” folding the scarlet satin — “isn’t a rush order. Peggy, you’d play, wouldn’t you?”

“Of course. I’ll set up the table.” She brought it to the sofa-side, while Mums piled cushions behind Dad’s back. They were just settled, when the front door burst open and Ken and Elaine came in, noisily, excitement in their faces. They stopped short, with quick looks at each other. “Well— Daddy! Hello!” Elaine said. And Ken said, “My Pops — big as life and twice as good-looking. Hey — I want in on this game!”

“Me, too!” Elaine exclaimed. “It’s been ages since we had a family game.” She dived into the hall closet for extra chairs.

“I was thinking that,” Dad murmured. “Jessie, how long has it been?”

“Too long,” she replied softly, a shadow crossing her face. She’s thinking how nearly we came to never having one again, Peggy thought. What’s Elaine so excited over, she’s holding back? Hal should be here, too, her thoughts went on, and she began to telephathize whimsically: Hal, come over — Hal come over!

She giggled hysterically when Hal opened the door. Madge was with him, beautiful in a fleecy coat the color of lilacs and a small, expensivelooking flower-petal hat.

“Don’t stop playing, please don’t,” Madge begged. “We’ll look on—”

“Till next round,” Hal put in. “Then we’ll be in.”

They played and talked, and time sped. At last Madge exclaimed, “Oh, this is fun! You know, I’m just beginning to realize how wonderful a family is! Hal’s been telling me all about how you’re working everything out, so — togetherly! He’s proud of all of you — ”

Hal tried to cover for her, “Of course we are — ”

With a sudden weary limpness, Dad leaned back into his cushions and looked all around with a sober quiet gaze. “How are we making out, anyway?” he asked. “I’ve wanted to know but— I’ve been half afraid to ask. Not knowing when I’ll be able to tackle things again.”

“Daddy! You were supposed to be — ” Peggy’s words were lost in the rush of words from everybody else.

“… And the most wonderful of all,” Elaine was saying when finally they let her take the lead, “happened today — I mean, the news came today. Madame Lucie got me a scholarship at Mandell’s. But it’s more than just a scholarship; I’ll have some teaching, and some professional engagements — oh, I can hardly wait! Madame must think I’m really good — don’t you think?” She glowed with new self-confidence.

She’s sure of herself, Peggy noted, her gladness mixing with somber thoughts. When she came back to complete awareness of the talk babbling around, she heard Madge saying:

“That’s for me, too — keeping busy while Hal’s away. And I know what I want most to do — and it’s to learn from you, Mother Francis, how to run a home the way you do it. I thought about it all the time I was in San Francisco. Well, I was so lonesome without Hal and I missed all of you, and I suddenly knew I wanted this kind of home and family, for — us. I’ll have a lot to learn, of course. And — first, I want to go with him, be near him as long as I can. But after that—”

She stopped, and Dad’s low voice said, “So — that has come, too.”

“Right, Dad,” Hal said quietly.

“And when I can’t follow him,” Madge persisted, “then I want to come here and— and— you will teach me, won’t you?” she turned to Mums.

“Why, of course, dear,” Mums said warmly. “Anything I can!”

“I’m right, don’t you think? — wanting to be near him while it’s possible? So that — no matter what may happen, later, we’ll have had— that much. Something — that can’t ever be taken away!”

“You are right,” Mums assured her. “We all have to remember that — to make the most of what we have; appreciate it, and not fail to be glad for it.”

Peggy’s mind seemed to be racing after something, grasping at something almost within reach. She saw Dad looking around at them all, with pride growing big and tall in him — in his brightening eyes, his relaxing mouth, in a squaring of his shoulders as if strength were returning by minutes.

“Well, I’ll be jiggered!” he said, a huskiness in his voice making it deeper than ever. “What a family I’ve got! What a rarin’-tearin’ family of swell kids! Here I’ve been worrying, trying to figure out some new angles — and now I find out how nobody’s kicking about the upset of the old gravy-train at all! Everybody traveling new ways, under their own power. Am I proud! Of course I’m sorry, too, about the new home having to go — ”

“Don’t be, Russ!” Mums said quickly. “It would be so big, pretty soon, for just you and me . . . with our children all getting ready to leave. Besides, it rests me to think of that moving job we don’t have to do! We’ll be happier right here, Russ — you and I!”

His deep chuckle rumbled at them. “You can say that again, Jessie. I picked a good crew manager for us all, didn’t I, kids? Best deal I ever sold myself on — your mother. I should tell you more often, I suspect. With her — and you kids to back us, we’ll still do okay!”

“Teamwork, Dad!” Ken said. He slapped down his unruly hair, sat back in his chair, and thumbed the armholes of his T-shirt, wiggle-waggling his fingers across his thrust-out chest.

Peggy looked on, warmed by the look between them. Wonderful Mums, wonderful Dad! Would it be like this with her and Craig when years had rolled on to their forties with all the changes time would bring? She turned her face from that shining glory — to encounter another, shining between Hal and Madge. A look that said, “This will be ours too. The waiting, the working, the togetherness — whatever we have, it will be worth having had. A long time, or a little time. . . .

And suddenly Peggy knew; doubts vanished; she knew they would not return.

Love — work — togetherness. There it was, a trinity she had never quite understood before — but which now seemed as clear as stars. If you held to those —

Ah, Peggy could write that letter to Craig, now. Tonight, setting the date, for she had the secret! And it needn’t matter greatly, whether you started from Windsor Heights and a tall blue window, or from Fourth Street and little windows looking out into friendly old trees; when you had that combination, you had the important thing:

A thing you could be sure of!