(A course for the young women of the Church, 1908-09.)
ETHICAL STUDIES.
The object of the Y. L. M. I. A. is the development of perfect womanhood. To this end courses of study have been prepared for the education of young women spiritually, morally, mentally, and physically. In presenting the topics and Outlines on Ethics it is with a desire that our girls may understand the fundamental principles in the formation of character, the rules that govern and control the highest social life, that they may apply them in the building of their own character in the development of those qualities of true womanhood which will approach nearest to the Divine, and command the respect of all mankind. The lessons as outlined are merely a guide, and should be enlarged upon by both class leaders and members, so that the principles taught may be thoroughly understood and an especial effort made to get the girls to practice them in their daily lives.
Social Life Among our Latter-day Saint Boys and Girls.
(For September 15th, 1908.)
“I wish there were a true order of chivalry for our youth … in which both boys and girls should receive, at a given age, their Knighthood and Ladyhood, by true title; attainable only by certain probation and trial, both of character and accomplishment; and to be forfeited, on conviction, by their peers, of any dishonorable act.” — Ruskin.
Latter-day Saint boys and girls should have definite, sensible, thoroughly-grounded rules of conduct by which they are governed; and by which they are justified in measuring their companions. These rules should be adaptable to every occasion and emergency.
The first law of our Ethics is absolute cleanliness of body and clothing.
Personal cleanliness means cleanliness of body, with special attention to hair, neck, ears, teeth, hands,
finger-nails, armpits, and feet.
In clothing girls should have a sufficient number of suits of good plain underwear, pairs of hose, underskirts, corsets, extra shoes, to be always clean, and have a reserve in case of emergency — an unexpected railway journey, etc.
If this care were exercised about underwear, outer wear would be much more in harmony with the needs and purses of the girls. Cheap, shoddy finery always belittles and bears false witness against its wearer.
The more perfect the lady the less show she makes of her appearance. The law is to keep within one’s means, and have everything in harmony, from underwear to gloves, shoes, hat, and veil. Girls so clad have proper self-respect or self-reverence — a realization of the intrinsic value of their lives which prevents them from doing anything to lessen that value in their own minds or in the estimation of others, especially those for whom they care. Personal cleanliness not only gives tone to the body, promoting beauty and health, but elevates or tones the whole mental and moral outlook, lifts above the low and sordid in desire and deed, makes contact with unwholesome things, repugnant and increases the determination to avoid them. Personal cleanliness is a developer of self-respect and a promoter of clean thoughts.
Every girl has a few special chums who are necessary to her happiness, and who often in after life become true friends — precious gifts, indeed. Girl comrades can help each other to resist their various special temptations and save each other from many dangers where older people could not help, if these friendships are sincere and frank. Thinking of others and sharing one’s pleasures is true happiness and a positive cure for self-conceit, vanity, and selfishness.
Value of Boy Friends. Fortunate, indeed, are the girls who grow up in the pure, frank comradeship of boy friends, as well as girl friends. They have a broader outlook upon life and a better understanding of human nature, and will make no mistake when choosing time comes, if this splendid friendship has been enjoyed. The girls and their boy friends should enjoy companionship and co-operation of their fathers and mothers, in their friendships. Especially should their friends be welcome to their homes and freely associate with the family — a most potent safeguard, if parents but realized it.
At Meetings, Lectures, Theaters, Etc. At meetings, lectures, theaters, concerts, etc., all should be governed by the spirit of the occasion and should endeavor to place themselves in harmony at once. Meetings and lectures are for instruction, spiritual and intellectual. All should be on time, sit quietly, remove hats, make no noise that will annoy one’s neighbor or disturb the speaker or singer. The Golden Rule is the law for these occasions.
At Theaters. All should be on time, be very particular as to cleanliness of body and clothes, avoid strong perfumes, and extremes in dress. The daintiest perfume is the freshness derived from soap and water.
Dances and Ward Socials. Here the young are free in their conduct and should be especially careful as to their person and clothing. In dancing, some people perspire freely and emit a very disagreeable odor, especially from the armpits. One boy confided to an older woman that he would not dance with a certain girl again because she was not clean. Girls should look their prettiest on these occasions. The simpler one’s dress the better she will look. Every girl should arrange her hair in a becoming manner, no matter what the style may be. She should not show her flesh through her dress nor wear colored ribbons in her underclothes. They call attention to that which should never be noticed. Boys make very uncomplimentary remarks about such things. Unpleasant thoughts lead to unpleasant acts. A girl should never be boisterous nor allow any liberties, such as swinging and pulling her about. She should insist on the proper position in round dancing and maintain it, being dignified and gracious, but never familiar. Invitations to dance should be graciously accepted. She should never be a snob. She has no right to refuse to dance because a boy is poorly dressed, awkward, or homely, if he has a right to be there he is entitled to courteous treatment. Ladies do not snub people who have a claim upon their consideration. The popular girls should quietly and without seeming aid in making the’ evening of the unpopular ones pleasant.
The dance over, young people should go home; they should not go to ice cream” parlors and soda fountains at that time of night. If they have to drive home girls should always remember they are ladies; the reserve and dignity maintained at the dance should be maintained in all association with boy friends, allowing, no familiarity. Greater reserve if possible should be maintained when alone than when in company. A kiss is a sacred thing and should not be given indiscriminately. It would be much jollier if boys and girls could come and go in crowds, in big wagons with older persons as escorts. If a sweetheart has anything to say he can find an opportunity even in a crowd.
Streets, Public Parks, Pleasure Resorts. Streets are thoroughfares established for the convenience of persons going from place to place — not meeting places. Loud talking and laughing are not nice. Sauntering up and down — going nowhere — out for show, these things are far from ladylike. Girls should never go to railway stations, drug stores, postoffices or other such places unless they have business there.
At pleasure resorts, parks, etc., anything that attracts the attention of strangers is to be deplored. Modest girls do not talk or dance with strangers at these places, nor should they wait till the last train.
Buggy Riding. Ladies and gentlemen do not indulge in late buggy-riding. The practice has nothing in its favor, much against it. Young people often lay aside their dignity, self-control, and often their virtue on such occasions. When girls go for a ride they should insist on being home before sun down. They should never go on Sunday.
Evening Strolls. Evening strolls are delightful, especially in the spring and summer, but when a young man finds it necessary to walk with his arm about the girl’s waist and her head on his breast, the stroll is dangerous. The Lord made the moon and stars to give light by night and show how beautiful the world is; but man uses these lesser lights, the shadows and the darkness to hide his wicked deeds.
Camping Out, Canyon Trips, Etc. Young people should never make a journey where they will be away from home over night without proper chaperones, both men and women.
Such trips should be most carefully planned for the pleasure of every one concerned; no other idea should be entertained, no straying off allowed, especially at night. All entertainments and games should include the whole camp. Girls must give strictest care to see that they are dressed neatly, no dressing sacques or such things allowed. Here must be combined proper reserve and courtesy, with the jolly comradeship natural to such occasions. Camp rules should be in the hands of the chaperons and all should be pledged to the strictest observance.
Young people travel long distances by team and rail to be married in the Temple, and sad, indeed, has been the conduct of some of these in the railway trains. If ever one should be quiet, dignified, and unobtrusive, it is here. Caresses and endearments, lounging about, etc., should never be indulged in in public; and where so indulged in show lack of even the meanest culture and refinement. They are disgusting. Many of our girls go as cooks in harvest time, many work in stores, factories, offices, etc. They should be neat, trim, and clean in dress, quiet and modest in deportment, so that, on returning home they will have no occasion to blush for their actions.
QUESTIONS.
1. Why should our young people have definite rules of conduct?
2. What do you understand by Ruskin’s words at head of lesson?
3. Give some sensible rules for cleanliness of body.
4. Give list of clothes every girl should have. Explain law of harmony in this matter.
5. Give your opinion of the prevailing fashion of exposing neck, shoulders and arms through dress.
6. What is self-respect as you feel it? How cultivated? How lost?
7. What effect does perfect cleanliness have upon your lives? Your ideals?
8. What do your girl friends mean to you?
9. What place do your parents have in your friendships?
10. Do you like mother or father for a chaperone or do you prefer to go without them?
11. Why do you go to meetings, lectures, etc., and what are your rules of conduct?
12: How should you conduct yourself at theatres? Do you indulge in strong perfumes?
13. Give a good set of rules for conduct at dances, socials, etc. What do you do to make your boy friends live up to them?
14. What do you think of refreshments at public places at night?
15. Is it really necessary to go long distances to parties? How often should you have a dance?
16. Do you approve of boys and girls handling each other as many do? Why?
17 How should you act at public resorts and on the street? Do you wait till last train? What are the effects of hanging about railway stations, viaducts, etc.?
18. Do you know of the dangers of late buggy riding? (Give to a responsible person who can help the girls.)
19. Give some good sensible plans for canyon parties, and portray dangers of present manner of going to mountains.
20. Give etiquette of travel in public conveyances, trains, street cars, etc
There were quite a few things here that I noticed. My favorite advice was no hanging out in postoffices.
I must say that I liked the part about value of boy friends. I don’t think I have ever heard anything like that in church
I know it was a different time, but this article makes me angry with its double standards, insisting women be sexual gate keepers, and micromanaging of everything from what a woman wears to where she goes to exactly how she should comport herself in any number of situations. The title says the piece is for boys and girls, but the boys seem to have no responsibility at all besides pointing out the girls who smell, look, or act bad. Yet the girls are given this advice, no matter how smelly or sloppy the boy: “She should never be a snob. She has no right to refuse to dance because a boy is poorly dressed, awkward, or homely, if he has a right to be there he is entitled to courteous treatment.”
Makes my blood boil! I wonder if this was written by a man or a woman?
Also, those leading questions at the end were pretty awesome.
I’m pretty sure these lessons were written by a woman or women, although I can’t come up with a name.
I understand most of your 21st century objections, but want to point out that there is an unrecognized difference in language between now and a hundred years ago. A boy who is “poorly dressed” isn’t necessarily smelly or sloppy; he is only a boy whose clothes are poor (cheap or mended or otherwise indicative of poverty). Poverty, awkwardness, and looks are not things a young boy has any control over (we can hope he grows out of at least some of those traits), and a girl who refused to dance with someone solely because he was socially inferior to her would be a snob. I don’t think the lesson would have been understood in that day to suggest that a girl had to dance with someone who was dirty, or rude to the girl or the chaperones, or snobbish himself — all things a boy has full control over.
(In a related but opposite difference in language, Nephi’s “goodly parents” remark pointed to their wealth, their possession of goods that permitted Nephi to be educated, not to their worthwhile character. Of course they were morally good, but this phrase means something else.)
I feel slightly better after noticing that this was written just for women–I assumed from the title it was for both sexes, but the amount of instruction was so lopsided. It’s interesting to me that a girl who turns down an undesirable dance partner is a snob, but I doubt a boy who asks only pretty girls to dance would be called one. I’ll be interested if you find a similar course written for boys (though I wouldn’t be surprised if there isn’t one). Unfortunately, some of this double standard still exists today (like the dress and grooming standards in for the strength of youth). Anyway, I did have fun coming up with snarky answers to some of the questions, like these:
5. Give your opinion of the prevailing fashion of exposing neck, shoulders and arms through dress.
10. Do you like mother or father for a chaperone or do you prefer to go without them?
14. What do you think of refreshments at public places at night?
16. Do you approve of boys and girls handling each other as many do? Why?
… Probably just as well I’m a 21st century girl.
Ha! I’ve run into similar social/etiquette lessons for girls from several points in the early 20th century. I keep watching for anything equivalent for boys, but instead of this they have vocational and priesthood lessons. You can be sure that if I ever do find social lessons for boys, I’ll post them regardless of their format or period!
I guess the girls were supposed to keep the boys in line socially with their womanly influence. I will eagerly (if vainly) watch for the boys’ companion course to this one.
“In dancing, some people perspire freely and emit a very disagreeable odor, especially from the armpits.” I must admit this statement made me laugh because the author makes it sound like people do this on purpose!
I’m quite taken with the line early on about underclothing and shoes, specifically the advice to “have a reserve in case of emergency—an unexpected railway journey, etc.”
Makes me wonder: Just how frequent were unexpected railway journeys back in the day?
For girls the age of those targeted by these lessons? Let’s see … funerals? caring for a sick relative? I can’t guess.
Ardis, I suspect that the adoption of the Scouting movement was a reflection on the desirability of inculcating similar standards on boys. Baden-Powell’s 1908 Scouting for Boys addresses male versions of these concerns; by the time that the Church adopted Scouting, the direction had been boiled down to more-or-less our present Scout Law. (Trustworthy, Loyal, Helpful, Friendly, Courteous, Kind, Obedient, Cheerful, Thrifty, Brave, Clean, Reverent). These subjects would have been topics for discussion around campfires and in regular meetings alongside other activities.
Good thought, Coffinberry. I’ve kind of skipped over Scouting materials in my reading of the early 20th century, thinking the Beehive Girl program (which in those years was a summer activity program for all girl teens and adults, not a year-round MIA class for 12-13 year-olds) was the equivalent of Scouting, but I’ll have to see if I can find Scouting being used as the equivalent to some of the girls’ social and religious training, too.
Well, I do know the location of a cache of documents about Scouting and the MMen program during the 30’s and 40’s. I’m not sure when I’ll get back to actually look at them, though.