I would guess that most people aren’t immune from deeply troubling issues and experiences. I offer that nothing has helped me quell or learn from storms like music. Here, I’ll share some insights about feeling incited to write. Note that I use “incited as much as inspired” for a reason. Yes, I’ve found solace in quiet meditation, but unsettling storms of pain and questioning have often prompted the greatest progress.

Here’s an organ improvisation on my recent hymn, featuring text I found on Keepapitchinin, debuted November 6, 2015 by Taylor Harvey, Director of Music at St. Andrew’s Episcopal Church [note: this is a Facebook link; Jared has this set to public view so you should be able to access it even if you don’t have a Facebook account]:

When Upon Life’s Troubled Billows

Lyrics (adapted): Maria Berry, 1913; Music: Jared Bernotski, b. 1976

1. When upon life’s troubled billows
You feel tossed from side to side,
Broken hearted and forsaken,
You’re left drifting with the tide.
Hope no longer serves as anchor,
You’ve forgotten how to pray;
Since your hold has slipped from Jesus,
On your own you’ve gone astray.

2. Raise a pleading voice to heaven,
Ask the Lord to be your guide;
Trust you’ll find a peaceful harbor
And bleak tempests will subside.
Let the Savior heal your spirit,
Lift you through the storms of life;
Rest your ev’ry care on Jesus,
Who gives comfort in spite of strife.

3. We could never fight life’s battles,
If we did not seek God’s aid;
He will bear the weary burdens
That have heavy on us laid.
He will strengthen falt’ring footsteps,
With his sure and patient hand;
Cheering, helping, he will lead us
Safely to the promised land.

So what incited as much as inspired me to change some words and compose new music? Shortly after reading Maria Berry’s “Seek Ye the Lord” text at Keepa, I reacted to a comment: “It’s hard to read this without thinking ‘Count your blessings’ and feeling the rhythms of the hymn.”

I agree that Berry’s text starts out much like “Count Your Many Blessings,” but I didn’t like joining this text with that hymn’s music. In my opinion, it’s just too sunny and peppy for that to be fitting. Admittedly, that’s just my opinion, so I hope my reaction won’t offend.

If I hadn’t disagreed with that comment, however, I may have never felt incited to come up with anything new. Similarly, if anyone feels shaken by any “troubled billow,” I wonder if that issue could push you to a new plateau, perhaps towards your greatest insights yet.

My intention in this post isn’t to criticize the church. I love how its doctrine propels me to develop a personally meaningful relationship with the Savior. In particular, I feel that its doctrine urges me towards more Christlike love.

Speaking of ideas derived from LDS sources that have inspired both growth and struggles, I immediately loved LDS poet Maria Berry’s original words. However, I found that “heaving billows” and other words caused me to question. After some thesaurus scouring and requesting FB friends’ input, “troubled billows” felt more fitting.

It took several drafts before the words “felt right” to me. To point out another change, in verse 2, the original had: ”He will heal your broken spirit, Fit you for the storms of life.” I changed it to: “Let Christ heal your broken spirit, Lift you through the storms of life.”

Why? It might seem ironic, but submitting my will during storms is when I’ve found that Christ lifts me the most. Sailing smoothly on my own means I don’t tend to acknowledge my dependence on Jesus. Similarly, if you’re struggling with an issue, I suggest waiting and trusting in the Lord. Rather than, “Raise a shaking fist,” may each of us, “Raise a pleading voice to heaven.”

While sharing music, I’ve composed a new melody for “The Saving Light,” a text which Ardis’ blog also helped me discover. In this case, I’ve left Orson F. Whitney’s lyrics mostly intact. However, again it took a struggle—I’m sharing the third tune I composed. To my knowledge, Whitney’s text has only been sung to the tune of “Brightly Beams Our Father’s Mercy.” Once again, I felt incited as much as inspired that it deserved something different, and I’m hoping that I did it justice.

My esteemed friend, Taylor Harvey, also raised “The Saving Light” [another Facebook link] to a higher plane in his improvisations. I mentioned LDS sources, but I often find vital, powerful inspiration when I collaborate and appreciate other traditions.

Dear readers, I’m hoping that my music will help someone, especially any grappling with a tempestuous issue, such as women and the priesthood (I have an anthem for that one in-the-works, too). I don’t claim to have answers to “life’s troubled billows.” However, I’ve learned never to underestimate how much can be gained from wrestling with as many questions as answers.

Dare I say that I’m grateful for storms? Through trials of faith, Maria Berry and Orson F. Whitney’s words have helped me to steer a more challenging, but ultimately more fulfilling course. Whitney admonished:

Keep the Light that God has kindled
On the altar of your soul.
Keep it burning, brightly burning
While life’s stormy billows roll.

Whatever storms rage, I hope to focus on the Savior as the only unerring source of light. My intention is to seek, develop, and share spiritual gifts. As the Savior kindles a light on the altar of my soul, I must keep it burning, and I want to throw that light, “like a beacon over the wave.” I would welcome any sincere person to shed their saving light on me as well.

I thank Ardis for discovering and posting poetry I wouldn’t have found on my own. Much as her sharing has incited and inspired me, I hope that my music adds fuel to your light, whatever stormy billows, trouble, or controversy may arise.

artwork: “Gravity,” by Patrick Kramer (his website. Used by permission.